Now that Liam is a year old, Will and I have started to talk seriously about baby number two. We’ve always known that we wanted a big family and since it took us four years to get Liam (and my ovaries are not getting any younger), we probably have to make some decisions soon. We’ve gone through the typical discussions: How long this time should we try to conceive on our own? Can I even get pregnant on my own now that my body “knows” how to be pregnant? Or should we go back right away and use our second stored embryo? Or should we try to make a new embryo and save the frozen embryo that we made when I was 32 to use later down the road when I’m like 40?
So yeah, just your typical dinner conversations. I’m trying not to have high expectations that I can get pregnant naturally even though I’ve heard so many anecdotal stories that this happens: couples try forever to get pregnant, go through fertility treatment, have a baby, and then boom… get pregnant without even trying. Is that even a possibility for me? Or does my diagnosis of unexplained infertility lead me to think I’ll always need the help of science to have babies? And I don’t have the answers to any of these questions. But I have always been one of those people that hopes for the best but prepares for the worst.
So we’re kind of in a “loving life with Liam” place right now and avoiding making any major decisions. Playing the old “let’s just see what happens” game. But when I get into this conversation about baby number two with friends or people I know, I STILL to this day, get asked the same question. The one question that has always boiled me: “have you thought about just adopting?” And the truth is yes. Will and I have thought about it a lot. We’ve talked about it a lot. We’ve looked into it. It’s not something that we take lightly or an idea we’ve have tossed to the side. And truthfully, years down the road we would love to adopt a child. But right now what we want is to have another child of our own. I think some people read that as selfish. That I’m only thinking about myself. And to those people I say yes I sure am. I absolutely adored being pregnant. I loved feeling and watching life grow inside my belly. I loved being able to breastfeed and know that my body was producing nourishment that was sustaining a tiny newborn life. I will never stop being in awe of what a woman’s body can do. And I know the experience is different for everyone and it’s not for some people. But for me, it was everything! Carrying liam for nine months, nursing him for 13 months, and watching him grow into the amazing boy that he is while thinking, damn. We made that. It’s a feeling I can’t describe. And I want to do it all over again. Selfish or not selfish. That’s what I want.