Watching your child grow up right before your eyes is so bittersweet. On the one hand you feel such a sense of pride and delight with every new milestone. But then there’s also a feeling of sadness when you realize your snuggly, newborn baby ceases to exist. As if overnight he was replaced by a very large toddler. And you love that toddler, don’t get me wrong. But where did the baby go?
After 11 months of co-sleeping with us, Liam is now sleeping through the night in his crib. You’re probably thinking, great! Right? That’s “the goal,” isn’t it? Well yes, I’m no longer shoved in bed between two snoring dudes. I have regained feeling in my right arm that was once lost from being wedged all night under a 20 pound baby. And there is now a larger window of opportunity to start making baby number two. So there’s that.
But on the other hand, I actually miss having Liam in bed. I miss those mornings waking up to his sweet little hand on my cheek. And laying on my side nursing while all three of us fall back asleep. And although I cursed and whined many times at 3am while on an all night breast feeding session, there is something nice about knowing that in that moment, I was the key to his happiness. It gave me a sense of purpose.
But it’s been 11 months now and we no longer share one big family bed. Cosleeping was something that we said we’d “try” and I honestly had no idea it would last this long. Transitioning him to the crib happened when we realized he could climb out of our bed on his own. So he would wake up and see the freedom that lies beyond the mattress and he was off. Doing whatever destruction an 11 month old can do at 7am. So we decided to try the crib and he actually took it well. He no longer lies next to me in bed and touches my cheek. He no longer calls for me to come rock him back to sleep. My baby. My baby that needed me so much, and was so helpless for so long, is growing up. That’s life, my friends. Don’t blink.