I’m starting to discover that all the things that I love to do, I am actually not very good at. For example, 1- I love to dance but the other day I saw a video of myself dancing at a bachelorette party and wow, let’s just hope that video never re-surfaces. I looked like one of those really tall inflatable air-dancing-man machines you see in front of a used car lot. You know what I am talking about. 2- I’m not very good at sewing. This has become a realization for me over the past few weeks. For my friends who don’t know a lick about sewing, you might be shocked by this. But yes its true, I’m not that good. When my friends say to me “Oh my gosh you made that?!” Well, I compare that to being impressed by someone who made a Hamburger Helper meal. Not impressive. I just followed a basic pattern. But beyond that I am clueless. Maybe with practice I will finally complete a project the correct way instead of spending half the time ripping out seams and re-sewing. 3- I’m not very good at yoga. I love it so much though. I see Will smiling and watching me do yoga in the sunroom and to him I look like I know what I am doing. But I have been practicing for 4 years now and my crow pose still looks like a dying kanagroo. But I love it. And I know that yoga is all about being happy at the level that you are at. But sometimes I think maybe God molded my body differently then the other yogis I know.
And lastly… well now I’m going to say something that I’ve been doing a really good job lately of not saying out loud: I am really bad at getting pregnant. It’s the one thing that I want the most, yet month after month, nothing happens. And Will and I have been doing better at staying postive and “not worrying about it.” But we are 2 months shy from our 2 year mark of trying to get pregnant. And something about saying “we’ve been trying for two years” makes me really anxious. At our last doctors appointment, the reproductive endnocronologist told us that we don’t need to do another IUI. “If it hasn’t worked after three times, it’s not likely to happen.” Two months ago I started acupuncture, and while I enjoy it, even my acupuncturist has told me to drop down from once a week to every other week. “Since we are not seeing results, we can decrease the frequency of visits.” Uh oh. I know what that means. That is what I do with my speech therapy patients when I know they have reached their max potentinal and there is nothing left I can do for them. I back them down to every other week. Hmmm. There is a little part of me that hurts when I think that maybe everyone else has given up. And I know they all mean well but it still stings just a little. So here I am. On a Thursday in February. Having to face the facts that I am just a medicore dancer, an amateaur sewer, a clumsy yogi, and an infertile wife. But that’s me, I guess. No use in crying over it or feeling ashamed. Aint nobody got time for that. I am just gonna finish this blog post, stand up, and take what life is giving to me. Because outside the sun is still shining. And I guess if the sun can decide to not give up, then neither should I.
And on a side note, This song makes me very happy today.